The wedding was grander than I expected. My husband stayed occupied with the men while I was near the women at all times.

Just like how he had instructed me, I talked modestly with everyone I met. Even with the women Maa had told me about, I maintained myself as the Thakurain.

The feast was grand, like Keshav predicted. I helped the others in serving food, but eventually the men indulged in alcohol as well. By the time we left the venue, Keshav was blind drunk. He was fast asleep in the backseat as he had eaten for three people. I wasn't surprised.

The roads were a little dark and quiet as we drove home. Bhairav Ji placed his hand on my cheek. I instantly melted into the warmth of his touch and held his hand there. I didn't want him to pull away and leave me cold again. Bhairav Ji had a cigarette in his mouth, and his scarf fluttered in the wind. He didn't glance my way, but it was like he could see me even when he wasn't looking.

"Neend aa rahi hai?"

(Do you feel sleepy?)

I shook my head. His palm was rough, but I closed my eyes, loving the way his thumb caressed my cheek.

"Phir kya soch rahi ho? Waha se nikalte hi chup ho, kya hua?" His tender question made my cheeks pink and warm. "Woh... Humari shaadi... Aapko yaad hai?" I asked expectantly, trying to distract myself. Bhairav Ji glanced at me; his eyes were unreadable. The next moment, he retrieved his hand and held it on the gear. My smile faded, and something cracked inside me.

(Then what are you thinking? You've been quiet since we left. What happened?)

(Do you remember our wedding?)

"Yaad kyu nahi hoga, Sanjana?" he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Bas theen hi toh log the, tumhare aur mere siva."

(Why wouldn't I remember, Sanjana... There were just three people, excluding us.)

I did remember that evening very well. Ma's husband was a swindler, but he had lost everything, and Ma was pregnant again. They wanted to start life afresh, together, forget about the suffering my Father had to put through while on his deathbed. They wanted me gone from their dream.

There was a temple in my old village that I used to visit with my Father. Bhairav Ji and I got married there. The priest, my Mother, and her husband were the sole witnesses of our marriage. And before I knew it, Bhairav Ji was leading me to the railway station, dressed as a bride.

"Ji..." I smiled through pained tears, "Apne kharida to tha mujhe us din. Shukriya."

(Yes... After all, you had bought me that day. Thankyou.)

There was pain masked behind my words, but my husband didn't say anything. His focus was fixed on the dark road.

"Ek baat puchu?"

"Pucho."

(Can I ask something?)

(Ask.)

"Apne... Mujhse shaadi kyu ki, Ji?" I looked at him for an explanation. Keshav stirred in the backseat. My husband didn't answer. I gave up and stared out of the window, hugging myself as the cold air made me feel even more alone.

(Why did you marry me?)

The jeep slowed down in front of the mansion. Keshav got out, and I was about to do the same when Bhairav Ji's rough grip stopped me, "Baith." He commanded. Keshav turned to look at us when we didn't follow him.

(Sit.)

"Hum thodi der baad aayenge," My husband replied. After Keshav returned inside, Bhairav Ji looked at me.

(We'll come in after some time.)

"Mainne tumse shaadi majboori mein ki thi... ek bahaana chahiye tha ghar se door rehne ka. Tum uss waqt sirf ek bachchi thi... aur maine uss baat ka fayda uthaya, taaki main shehar mein reh kar apni kaam par dhyaan de sakoon," he took a deep breath.

(I married you only because I wanted an excuse to stay away from home. You were just a kid at that time... And I took advantage of it so that I could stay in the city and focus on work.)

"Lekin waqt ke saat sab kuch badal gaya."

(But over time, everything changed.)

His eyes felt a little more intense as he paused, leaning towards me a little more. I held my breath as he spoke again.

"Tum sirf ek bahaana nahi rahi, Sanjana. Ab zindagi ka hisso ho... woh ek cheez jiske liye main ghar lautne ka intezaar karta hu."

(You weren't just an excuse, Sanjana. Now you're a part of my life... The one thing I come home for every day.)

I didn't know what to say. My mind was racing. When it felt like Bhairav Ji was about to kiss me, he pulled away and got out of the jeep before I could react. The heat in my cheeks remained as I followed him into the house. It seemed like Keshav had already gone to his room to sleep. Maa Ji and Dadi were on the couch; the former was reading prayers.

"Aap abhi tak soye nahi Dadi?" I went towards her in concern.

(You haven't slept yet, Dadi?)

"Amma ne zaroor koi bura sapna dekha hoga," my mother-in-law smiled, earning a glare from the older woman. Their light banter always made me smile.

(Amma must have definitely had some nightmare.)

"Daro math, Dadi... Aapki pair daba doongi, aap ache se so paoge," I told her. Dadi was quick to agree, even though she was always proud and unwavering. "Aaj neeche kamre mai mere saath so jao..." she told me wearily, and I nodded, "Ji Dadi-"

(Don't be scared, Dadi... I'll press your feet. You will be able to sleep well.)

(Tonight, sleep in the room downstairs with me.)

(Yes Dadi-)

"Kisse poochkar?" Bhairav's voice echoed in the room, and I froze. He turned to his Mother, "Ise shaadi ke sari aur gehne pehna dijiye aur kamre mei bhejiye, Ma. Dulhan jaisi dikhni chahiye." Both Ma and Dadi blinked at the Thakur.

(With whose permission?)

(Make her wear the sari and ornaments from our wedding and send her to my room, Ma. She needs to look like a bride.)

"Kya matlab beta?" Maa Ji asked, concerned. I wanted to know the same.

(What do you mean, son?)

"Humari suhaagraat hai aaj."

(Today will be our wedding night.)

His words were directed at me, and my mouth hung open while Bhairav Ji went up the stairs. Maa and Dadi watched him leave, but soon their eyes were on me. My face was already red, and I shook my head before they could ask something, "Mai kuch nahi janti!"

(I don't know what that was!)

Dadi woke two servants who were sleeping in their quarters and asked them to decorate Bhairav Ji's room. She mentioned flowers and a white bedsheet explicitly. The servants nodded and got to work immediately, even though it was late at night.

"Andar hoga woh laal sari..." Dadi addressed Ma, ignoring me. "Haan, mere saath aao," Maa dragged me behind her into Dadi's room. She went through the cupboard and found my old Sari tucked away. It had been so difficult to wear it on my wedding day.

(The red sari must be inside.)

(Yes, come with me.)

"Kapde utharo, mai pehnaati hu." Maa said firmly, but I pleaded in embarrassment, "Nahi M-Maa Ji... Mujhe ab ache se malum hai... Mai-"

(Remove your clothes, I'll help you get dressed.)

(No Maa... I know it well now.)

She didn't wait for me to explain and made me change into my wedding sari. Dadi sat on the bed, watching us. "Bahut badal gayi hai," she smiled while I fixed my choli carefully. Maa chuckled, "Aurat jaisi dikh rahi ho, bahu."

(You've changed a lot.)

(You look like a woman now.)

I made myself prettier in the mirror. Maa Ji spread some red natural colour on my lips. I lined my eyes with kohl, and Dadi Ji revealed a box that held golden ornaments. I gasped at the sight. When I had arrived at their home, all I had were two small golden jhumkas and a golden bangle on each hand.

"Y-yeh..."

(This...)

"Chaudhary bahu hai," Dadi told me solemnly, "Aaj se pehen lo."

(You are the bride of our family. You can wear these from today.)

There were tears in my eyes, and I nodded gratefully, "S-shukriya Dadi Ji... Maa..."

(Thank you, Dadi... Maa..)

"Ab rona band karo, tere nikhar pe itni mehnat ki hai... sab bekaar chali jaayegi," She warned, switching to her strict tone. I nodded, but it was hard not to smile at her, and Dadi shook her head. Maa put the veil over my head once I was ready, but a strange fear gripped me suddenly.

(Stop crying now. You've put so much effort into your beauty... it'll all go to waste.)

I fidgeted with my fingers in the kitchen as the milk boiled. Dadi went to sleep peacefully, and only Maa Ji and I were left. "Sanjana..." She addressed me while turning off the stove. I gulped. "Bhairav nashe mai hai, gussa mat dilana. Pati Patni ke beech yeh aksar hota hai, beta. Daro mat."

(Bhairav is drunk, don't make him angry. This happens often between husband and wife, beta. Don't be scared.)

I blinked at her. My nervousness only worsened as she poured the milk into a glass with a pinch of saffron. "Ise upar lekar jao," she handed the glass to me. I didn't move from my place. Maa Ji walked out of the kitchen, and I followed her like a lost dog, "Ab kya hua?" She asked with wide eyes.

(Take this upstairs)

(What happened now?)

"Woh... Woh agar... Agar phir se marenge toh...?" I gulped. My fear from three years ago kept me panicked. Maa Ji was the only one who had noticed my red cheek when I was young, and she was the only one who let me cry without getting upset.

(What if... What if he hits me again...?)

"Marenge toh jhel lena," she sighed, and I stared down, feeling betrayed. How could I confide in her anyway? Bhairav Ji was her son in the end. "Ab jaldi jao warna Bhairav aur gussa karega... Kuch bhi ho jaye, use rokna mat."

(If he hits you, bear it.)

(Now go quickly, otherwise he'll get mad... Whatever happens, don't stop him.)

I swallowed my fear and was about to ascend the stairs when a terrifying shadow appeared at the very top. It was my husband. His eyes were cold and unforgiving, and I winced internally. He came down the stairs, and my hands trembled, almost spilling the milk. His commanding presence terrified every breath out of me.