I sat beside Dadi, pressing her feet. Maa was also nearby, reading through her prayer books. I had asked Saarang to stay in the kitchen and had given him some paper and crayons to keep him busy.

"Dadi... Saarang mujhse keh raha tha ki Baba use bahut maarte the," I mumbled. She glanced at me, and even Maa looked up from her prayer book.

(Dadi... Saarang was telling me that Baba used to hit him a lot.)

"Sirf panch saal ka hai woh, aur dusre bachon ki tarah utna sharaarti bhi nahi hai, Dadi-"

(He's just five years old, and he's not as mischievous as other kids, Dadi-)

"Toh kya hua?" Dadi muttered, "Use ghar thodi wapas kar rahe hai. Tumhe pata hai us khath mei kya likha tha? Tumhare baap ne usko besahara chod diya. Ab hum yaha anaadalay thodi hi chala rahe hai... Thakuron ka ghar hai. Tumhe yaha laakar mere pote ne paap ki hai, aur tumhare chote bhai ka bhi dhyan rakhne ke liye bol rahi ho?!"

(So what? We're not taking him home anyway. Do you know what was written in that letter? Your father abandoned him. And we're going to take him to the orphanage... This is the house of Thakurs. My grandson already sinned by bringing you here, and you're telling us to take in your little brother as well?!)

"Amma, uska khoon hai..." Maa interrupted, her eyes soft as always, but she never had a voice in the haveli. Dadi glared at her, "Chup reh. Khoon hai toh kya hua? Humare zamaane mei aisa naatak karne par pehle ladki ko bahar nikal deti. Par Bhairav ne aisa kiya nahi hai, shukr kar."

(Amma, he's her blood...)

(Be quiet. So what if he's her blood? In my time, the girl used to get thrown out of the house first for causing chaos like this. But Bhairav hasn't done anything like that, be grateful.)

Maa sighed, "Sanjana..." She turned to me, "Woh abhi bacha hai beta. Aur tumhe apne sehath ka bhi dhyan rakhna hoga. Agar Saarang ke chakkar mei tumhe kuch ho gaya toh? Aur woh yaha kaise bada hoga? Use vidyalay kaun bhejega? Ek ladka bina padhe likhe kaise bada ho sakta hai? Log kya kahenge?"

(Sanjana... He's a child, beta. And you need to take care of your health as well. What if something happens to you because of Saarang? And how will he grow up here? Who will send him to school? How can a boy grow up without education? What will people say?)

I hesitated a little, "Mai toh use sikha saktihu, Maa. Mujhe padhna likhna aata hai... Aur mai apna sehath ka bhi dhyan rakhunga."

(I can teach him, Maa. I know how to read and write... And I will take care of my health as well.)

Dadi shook her head, "Maan lo ki tum humein mana bhi lo, to apne pati ko kaise manaogi?"

(Even if you do convince us, how will you convince your husband?)

I didn't have anything to say to that as I stared down. I had hoped to convince Bhairav Ji with the help of Maa and Dadi. But now it seemed like it would be in vain. My husband was so set in his ways that he wouldn't listen to me at all. I didn't know how he was going to behave tonight.

After nightfall, I heard the Jeep outside. Saarang was with me in the kitchen, trying to show me a picture that he had drawn. "Yahi rasoi mei rehna... Jija Ji aaye hai," I warned him, and he nodded.

(Stay in the kitchen... Your Jija Ji is home.)

I went outside with a glass of water for my husband and asked the maids to set the dinner table. Bhairav Ji didn't speak much, and later sat at the dinner table as everyone gathered to eat. I was busy serving him when he decided to break the silence, "Kal subah mai Saarang ko anaath ashram chod aunga. Ek aadmi se baath ki hai."

(I'll take Saarang to the orphanage tomorrow morning. I've talked with a man.)

My hand froze, and I just stared at him. He didn't look up. Not once. He ate like nothing mattered while everyone else shared silent glances. There were tears in my eyes.

"Thaali lekar aao, Sanjana-"

(Go bring your plate, Sanjana-)

I walked away from him and went to the kitchen. I wasn't going to eat with him after he had made such a cruel decision. As soon as Saarang saw me, he looked up from his drawing with twinkling eyes, "Bhuk lagi hai, Didi."

(I'm hungry, Didi.)

"Abhi deta hu khaana," I smiled at him and prepared a plate with all the dishes that he mentioned he liked. I led him out through the back door of the kitchen, and we sat on the stairs there. Saarang walked around the backyard, trying to count the stars while I fed him by hand.

(I'll give you dinner now.)

"Didi, aapke shaadi ke samay mai kaha tha?" He asked with childish innocence that made me chuckle.

(Didi, where was I when you got married?)

"Us waqt toh tum Maa ke pet me the. Kyu puch rahe ho yeh sab?" I smiled as he opened his mouth wide for the next morsel of rice. "Mujhe bhi dekhna tha aapki shaadi. Aapne Jija Ji se shaadi kyu ki? Woh kitne daraawne hai," he asked again.

(You were inside Maa's stomach at that time. Why did you ask?)

(Even I wanted to see your wedding. Why did you marry Jija Ji? He's so scary after all.)

I sighed. Sometimes when Bhairav Ji was in a temper, I myself wished I hadn't married him. But there were times when I appreciated his kindness and intellect compared to other men.

"Mujhe karni padi..." I mumbled, "Aacha suno. Tumhe kal jaana hoga, Saarang."

(I had to... Anyway, listen, you'll have to leave tomorrow, Saarang.)

"Maa ke paas?" He asked in anticipation.

(I'm going back to Maa?)

My heart ached for him. I shook my head, "Nahi, dusri jagah hai. Mai kabhi kabhi aunga tumhe milne... Theek hai?"

(No, to a different place. I will visit you sometimes... Okay?)

Saarang sat beside me at that time, hugging his knees, "Mai aur din aapke paas nahi reh sakta, Didi? Aur mujhe aapko Jija Ji se bachana bhi hai!"

(But I can't stay with you longer, Didi? I have to save you from Jija Ji as well!)

I smiled and ran a hand through his hair. He barely knew me, and yet he was so hellbent on protecting me. I was grateful to have a little sweetheart like him in my life.

After convincing Saarang somehow, I put him to bed. Neither Maa nor Dadi tried to talk to me since they realised that I was upset. I had a feeling that they opposed Bhairav Ji's decision, but they refused to speak up. Even if they did, he wasn't going to listen to anyone.

When I returned to the dining table to clear the plates, I found my husband drinking. He was twirling the glass of liquor in his hand as he watched me. Everyone else had gone to bed, and he was just sitting there alone.

"Aaj khaana nahi khayegi?" He asked softly. I refused to look at him as he touched my face.

(You're not going to eat today?)

"Bhook nahi hai, Ji." I retired to the kitchen without sparing him another glance. After finishing all chores, I went back to my bedroom. I was busy braiding my hair when Bhairav Ji entered. He was drunk, clearly.

(I'm not hungry.)

"Meri gilehri..."

(My little squirrel...)

He squeezed my shoulders and leaned closer to press a drunk kiss on my neck. I didn't flinch away. If I could persuade him to listen to me somehow, even if it meant using my body, then I'd still do it. But it didn't change the fact that I was upset with him.

Bhairav Ji wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling against my neck. I didn't feel anything special.

"Dekh... Maine tumse shaadi ki hai. Aur tumhara dekhbaal mai kar raha hu. Par tumhare chote bhai ka bhi baap nahi ban sakta... Yeh sabke liye acha hai, Sanjana."

(Look... I've married you, Sanjana. And I'm taking care of you. But I can't become a Father to your little brother as well... It's better like this for everyone.)

I didn't say anything. He continued with his atrocities when I didn't resist, and soon enough, he led me to bed and did what he did best: make love. But despite our intimacy, I felt empty inside. Almost like nothing affected me anymore.

Bhairav Ji panted as he came. He kissed my forehead, caressing my damp hair, "Tumse bahut pyar karta hu, par kisi ke bhi saat tumhe baat nahi sakta... Theek hai?"

(I love you very much, but I can't share you with anyone... Alright?)

I felt tears prick my eyes. Was that what this was about? He didn't want Saarang in the haveli because he didn't want to share me with anyone?

"Aur jab hamare bache honge? Tab aap kya karenge?" I whispered.

(And when we have kids? What will you do then?)

"Tab bhi tum meri hogi. Hamesha."

(Even then, you'll be mine. Always.)

He hugged me tightly. I didn't know how to convince him. I caressed his cheek as he closed his eyes, breathing calmly beside me.

There was a soft thud on our door. Bhairav Ji opened his eyes and sat up. We could hear whimpering from outside.

"Yeh bacha... Sone bhi nahi dega..." Bhairav Ji muttered and stood up. He quickly wrapped his dhoti around him and handed me his long kurta top, "Ab ke liye yeh pehen lo."

(This boy... Won't even let me sleep...)

(Wear this for now.)

I blinked at him, but then he forced me into his kurta. It was too big for me, but at least I looked decent enough.

"Didi..." We heard more whimpers, "Dar lag raha hai."

(Didi... I'm scared...)

Bhairav Ji finally opened the door. He stood like a wall, barely letting me even catch a glimpse of my whimpering brother.

"Kya kar rahe ho tum, Saarang? Roh kyu rahe ho?" He sighed in frustration.

(What are you doing here, Saarang? Why are you crying?)

"Woh roh raha hai?" I clutched the bedsheet around me in concern, but Bhairav Ji didn't respond.

(He's crying?)

"Wapas jaakar so jao. Kal subah jaldi nikalna hai," Bhairav Ji told my brother. He ruffled his hair and was about to close the door, but the little mouse sprinted into the room through the gap.

(Go back to your room and sleep. We have to leave early in the morning.)

"Didi... Didi!" He was gasping for air as he climbed onto the bed.

"Saarang!" Bhairav Ji gritted his teeth, but I had already taken him into my arms. The poor thing was shaking and crying as he clutched my kurta.

"Kya hua? Bura sapna dekha hai?" I consoled him softly. Bhairav Ji closed the door and sat by the edge of the bed, his arms crossed and his patience ticking.

(What happened, my dear? Did you have a nightmare?)

"H-haan..." Saarang whispered. "Maine... Maine Baba ko dekha... Woh maar raha tha. Didi mujhe wapas nahi jaana! Maa, mere sapne mein bhi uth nahi rahi thi! Didi mujhe nahi jaana!"

(Y-yes... I saw... I saw Baba... He was hitting me. Didi, I don't want to go back! Even in my dream, Maa wasn't waking up. Didi, I don't want to go!)

He wailed, clutching my kurta and sobbing as if his life depended on it. Saarang was too young to be traumatized like this. My stepfather was such a monster. After all, Saarang was his son. How cruel could a father be?

"Acha... Ab rona band karo... Hum tumhe Baba ke paas thodi bhej rahe hai... Woh sirf bura sapna tha, beta... Mai tumhe kuch nahi hone dungi, Didi hai na," I whispered, kissing his head and caressing his back softly. Bhairav Ji was watching me closely, as there were tears in my eyes as well.

What if I never got to see my brother again?

(Okay... Now don't cry... We'll never send you back to Baba... It was just a nightmare, my dear... Your sister will never let anything bad happen to you.)

Bhairav Ji leaned back on his arms, "Didi ke saath rahoge toh vidyalay kaise jaoge? Mai toh nahi bhejunga mere paise se. Par mere haveli mei koi anpadh ladka nahi rahega." He announced.

(If you stay with your sister, then how will you go to school? I won't spend my money on you. But in my haveli, I will not tolerate any illiterate boy.)

Saarang sniffed, glancing at my husband, then back at me. "Mai sikhaungi," I interjected, "Vidyalay se bhi ache se."

(I'll teach him. Better than school.)

"Acha?" Bhairav Ji raised a brow. "Aur yeh yaha reh kar mujhe kya faida hoga?" He bent down to be eye level with my brother.

(Really? And what will I get by letting him stay here?)

"Mai didi ko aap se bachaunga-"

(I'll save Didi from you-)

I pressed my palm over the little brat's mouth. My eyes widened a little. "Saarang!" I scolded him, but he frowned at me.

Bhairav Ji narrowed his eyes at the child, "Mere faide ki baath kar raha hu. Tumhare didi ke nahi." I interjected at that time, "Bada hokar sheher mei aapki madad kar sakta hai."

(I'm talking about my benefits, not your sister's.)

(After he grows up, he can help you in the city.)

"Bada hone mei ab bahut saal lagenge." My husband eyed me before pushing my hand off Saarang's mouth.

(It will take a long time for him to grow up.)

"Tum apne Didi ka rakhwala karoge?"

(You will protect your sister?)

"Haan!" Saarang replied enthusiastically. Bhairav Ji reached forward and placed his hand over my stomach.

(Yes!)

"Iske pet me jo nanhi si jaan hai, uska bhi khayal rakhoge?"

(Even the child inside her?)

My eyes widened a little, my cheeks flushing as Bhairav Ji smiled my way. Saarang looked at me in surprise, "Aapke pet mei bacha hai, Didi?"

(There's a child inside you, Didi?)

I gave him a forced smile while glaring at my husband. Why did he have to say that out loud?

"Agar mere biwi aur bache ka rakhwala kar sakte ho toh yaha reh sakte ho, humare saath."

(If you can protect my wife and baby, then you can stay here with us.)

I gasped at his words. Saarang agreed immediately, "Mai rakhunga!" The little boy turned to grin at me with twinkling eyes. He had lost one of his canines, which made him even cuter while smiling. I cupped his face in my hands and kissed his forehead.

(I'll protect them!)

Bhairav Ji took a deep breath, calming himself, "Acha ab kamre mei wapas jao. Didi ko sona hai na-"

(Okay, now go back to your room. Let your sister sleep-)

"Kya mai yaha so sakta hu? Kamre mein dar lagta hai..." Saarang whined, clutching my kurta. I didn't want him to have nightmares again, and I looked at Bhairav Ji for consent. He was glaring at me, shaking his head, but I pleaded with my eyes.

(Can I sleep here today? It's scary in that room...)

"Sirf aaj raat ke liye... Maan lijiye na, Thakur Ji..." I gave him a sweet smile and ran a hand down his chest.

(Just for tonight... Please, Thakur Ji...)

My husband gritted his teeth and got up from the bed to turn off the lights again. Saarang squealed, hugging me tighter, and even I chuckled. Bhairav Ji slept on his side while my little brother clung to me as tightly as possible.

I glanced at my husband. His eyes were closed, and he had an arm under his head. It bothered me that he wasn't saying anything. I caressed his face, trying to get him to talk, but he didn't respond at all. It would take him a long time to get used to Saarang.