It was late at night, and I couldn't sleep because the lights were still on. Bhairav Ji was sitting up in bed while I had my head on his lap. He was busy working, scribbling something on a piece of paper while I held some of his documents in my hand.

"Dusra wala de do," he commanded, not looking up from his notebook. And I handed him the second paper in my hand.

(Give me the other one.)

I slowly turned such that I could see him better. Bhairav Ji placed his hand on my stomach when I moved, "Dheere se..." He mumbled, eyes still glued to whatever he was doing.

(Careful.)

"Ji... Ek baat puchu?" I asked, squeezing his hand that rested against my cheek.

(Ji... Can I ask something?)

"Pucho, meri gilehri. Kya hua?" He caressed my cheek with his thumb.

(Ask me, my little squirrel. What's wrong?)

"Woh... Um... Saarang-"

(Um... About Saarang-)

His eyes darted to mine when I said my brother's name. I gulped; that look never meant any good.

"Chodiye... Kuch nahi," I mumbled.

(It's nothing...)

There was a strange silence as I looked away. "Jab daftar se wapas aa raha tha aaj, mujhe woh raste mei mila. Khushti khel raha tha dusre ladko ke saath," Bhairav Ji mumbled.

(While coming home from the office today, I saw him on the street. He was playing wrestling with the other boys.)

I gulped, "Aapne... Er... Aapne use daanta?"

(Er... Did you scold him?)

"Nahi toh," he replied nonchalantly, "Woh ache se khushti kar raha tha... Pehelwan ban sakta hai."

(No. He was wrestling well... He could become a wrestler in the future.)

I blinked, "Pehelwan?"

(A wrestler?)

"Haan, kyu nahi? Paas mein ek akhada hai.  Woh waha jaa sakta hai," Bhairav Ji replied.

(Yes, why not? There's a wrestling pit nearby. He can train there.)

"Aap sach mei use pehelwan banana chahte ho...?" I gulped.

(Do you really want to turn him into a wrestler...?)

"Mujhe nahi pata ki woh padhai kar raha hai ya nahi. Aur agar padh bhi raha hai, achi naukri milne ke liye vidyalay se certificate chahiye. Woh toh uske paas nahi hone wala... Jitna bhi tum koshish karo. Meri haveli mei jee raha hai, mere faide hone chahiye. Pehelwan banane ke baad uska bahut kaam ayega."

(I don't know whether he's studying or not. And even if he is, to get a good job, you need a high school certificate. He's not going to get that anyway... No matter how hard you try. He's living in my haveli, it should be profitable for me. After I make him a wrestler, I can use him well.)

He was so selfish. I couldn't believe how he dreamt of turning my brother into a wrestler just so he'd be able to exploit him better.

I clutched his dhoti, almost preparing to be slapped or yelled at, "Aap agar use pehelwan banana chahte hai toh... vidyalay bhi bhejiye... Warna woh nahi manega."

(If you want to turn him into a wrestler... Send him to school as well, Ji... Otherwise he won't listen.)

Bhairav Ji gave me a look, the edge of his lips curling up a bit, "Terah saal se tum meri har baat maan rahi ho... Ek panch saal ka bacha nahi manega?"

(You've been very obedient towards me from the age of thirteen... You think it will be hard for me to make a five-year-old listen?)

I frowned at him; my pride was bleeding now. "Par aap use vidyalay kyu nahi bhejna chahte... Woh man lagakar padhai karega-"

(But why don't you want to send him to school... He'll study really well-)

"Tumhe bhi school bheja tha," he cut me short, glaring at me, "Mera koi faida hua? Kitabon se ab bhi nafrat hai. Isliye nahi. Apne bacho ke alawa kisi aur ko mere paiso se vidyalay nahi bhejunga."

(I sent you to school as well. Did I get anything out of it? You still hate books. So no. I won't send anyone to school except my own kids.)

I turned away, furious and humiliated, "Mere paise hote toh mai bhejti..."

(If I had my own money, I would have sent him...)

Bhairav Ji didn't say anything. I played with his fingers, lost in thought, "Mujhe kal vedh ke paas jaana hai..."

(I need to go to the village doctor tomorrow...)

"Kyu?" Bhairav Ji frowned as he turned my chin to look at him.

(Why?)

"Aap kya jaane ek aurat ki duvitha," I swatted his hand away, but he wasn't playing around. He gripped my wrist, "Toh kya hua? Meri patni hai. Mai tumhari duvitha nahi janunga toh kaun janega? Kyu jaana chahte ho vedh ke paas?"

(What would you know about the troubles of a woman?)

(So what? You're my wife. If you don't tell me about your troubles, whom else will you tell? Why do you want to meet the village doctor?)

I blushed a little at his bold words. "Pet me lagane ki davai... Khatam hone wali hai... Aur dusri davai bhi..." I whispered.

(I need to buy the medicine that I apply over my stomach... And another medicine as well...)

Bhairav Ji hummed, "Kal daftar se aate waqt le aunga-"

(I'll get it for you while returning home from work tomorrow.)

"Nahi!" I snapped, "Mujhe jaana hai. Itne dino se haveli se bahar nahi gayi, Thakur saheb... Zyada dur bhi nahi hai. Sirf kuch der chalne se-"

(No! I have to go. I haven't stepped outside the haveli in so long, Thakur saheb... It's not that far away. Just by walking for a while-)

He leaned down, his possessive hand over my stomach and his warm breath against my neck.

"Tumhe lagta hai is haalat mei mai tumhe chalne dunga? Utni dur? Seedhi chalte hi kaampne lagti ho."

(You think I'll let you walk all the way there? You start panting when you climb the stairs itself.)

I sighed, "Aap phir gaade mei jaane denge, Thakur Ji? Mai das minut mei wapas aa jaungi."

(Then will you let me go in the car, Thakur Ji? I'll be back in ten minutes.)

He finally agreed, but repeatedly warned me, saying I shouldn't exert myself too much. The rest of the night passes in a blur. I woke up feeling too heavy and ugly as always and slowly headed to the kitchen to do the chores. After Bhairav and Keshav had left, two of Bhairav Ji's men took me to the village doctor. But to my surprise, even Maa accompanied me.

I couldn't ask the vedh anything regarding the birth control pills while she was there. The doctor handed me all the important medicines and spent a long time talking with Maa regarding other procedures that had to be followed by a pregnant woman.

I felt relieved when it was time to leave. Maa paid him generously, and we headed out of the clinic.

"Maa... Aap gaadi mein baithiye, mujhe ek aur baar puchni thi... Bhool gayi," I told her hurriedly and went back inside before she could protest.

(Maa... You can wait in the car. I had to ask one more thing, but I forgot.)

The vedh looked at me in surprise, "Thakurain Ji?"

I kept a fairly good amount of money on his table, making him gasp, "Bache na hone ki davai chahiye. Jaldi." I glared, and he immediately moved around without asking many questions. I cautiously glanced over my shoulder to make sure that Maa wouldn't come back.

(Give me birth control pills, quickly.)

"Har hafte khaani hai..." The man mumbled while handing me a medicine bottle, "Par aapke is haal mei bache aur aapko nuksaan pahunch sakti hai..." He added.

(You should eat it every week... But in your condition, it could harm you and the child...)

"Theek hai. Vedh Ji, yeh baat kisi ko pata nahi honi chahiye... Maine Thakur Ji se pehle baath ki hai. Unke samne bhi ise mat lana." I warned him and hurried out of the clinic.

(Okay. Vedh Ji, nobody should know about this... I've already talked with my husband. Don't bring this up in front of him as well.)

"Kya puchne bhool gayi thi?" Maa asked.

(What did you forget to ask?)

"Woh er... Khaane ke baare mein... Pata nahi bache keliye kya acha hoga," I lied.

(Um... About my diet... I don't know what will be good for the baby.)

Maa scolded me, saying I could have always asked Dadi or her, while I just smiled nervously. She began narrating all the food items that would improve the baby's health.

I had lied a lot in a day, all for the sake of one girl. The money I had given the Vedh was something I had slipped out of my husband's wallet while he was sleeping.

I'd be dead if he were to find out.

Only if Payal was sensible enough to know that...