Saarang was in tears as he hugged me and refused to let go. "Mujhe bhi aana hai! Didi mujhe chodkar mat jao! Mai acha bacha banunga! Mujhe bhi le chaliye, Jija Ji!" He clung to my sari, bawling his eyes out, and seeing him like that made tears pool in my eyes as well.

(I want to come too! Didi, don't leave me! I'll be a good boy! Take me as well, Jija Ji!)

"Bacha hai..." I whispered, turning to Bhairav Ji, who was busy instructing his men to load the Jeep with our things.

(He's just a child...)

"Keshav, use hatao," My husband gave him a cold command, and Keshav had to pull Saarang away from me hesitantly. Saarang tried to fight him, tried to squirm out of Keshav's hands to run towards me again.

(Keshav, move him.)

But my husband was far too heartless. Maa and Dadi promised me that they'd take care of Saarang in my absence. I believed them.

As the Jeep rolled out of the haveli, I wiped my unshed tears on the pallu of my sari while Bhairav Ji glanced at me. We were traveling to the city via Jeep this time, as the train would be too much of a hassle for me. I was in my 8th month, and Bhairav Ji had made it clear that until the child was born, we were to stay in the city. It was one whole month of not being able to see Saarang.

"Daftar jaana hoga... Zaroori kaam keliye," Bhairav Ji mumbled as he steered the Jeep towards his office. The sky had already turned quite dark, and I wondered what important task could be waiting for him at this hour.

(I need to go to the office... There's some important work.)

In the distance, I could see someone sitting outside smoking a cigarette. The eerie glow of the cancer stick made it look like a firefly in the dark.

It was Paramesh, and he straightened himself when the Jeep came into view. I fixed my veil as he smiled at me, "Thakurain Ji, Namaste. Kaisi ho?"

(Thakurain Ji, Namaste. How are you?)

Bhairav Ji got out of the Jeep, glaring at him as he shut the door. I flinched at the loud sound. "Kaam ke liye aaye ho," he warned, "Biwi theek hai. Dastavez dikhao."

(You've come here for work. My wife is fine. Show me the documents.)

My husband lit a cigarette as well, and Paramesh showed him some papers under the dim light of his office. Moths were flying around, and I wondered what they could be talking about so seriously. I could only make out muffled words regarding the city, factory, farms, and Bhairav Ji's business.

He handed the papers to me as he got back into the Jeep.

"Keshav ne kuch bola?" Paramesh asked him.

(Did Keshav say something?)

Bhairav Ji scoffed, "Jagdish ko kya keh kar dara diya?"

(What did you scare that boy with?)

"IPC Section 323 and Section 352. Voluntary assault or criminal force. Ek saal thak giraftar ho sakta hai..."

(He can be arrested for up to one year.)

"Wah, Barrister saheb," Bhairav Ji smiled, "Keshav ne kuch bola ki ghar ka mamla hai, wagera..."

(Wow, Barrister saheb. Keshav told me something like it's a family matter.)

"Behen ka bhi mamla hai. Agar jo bhi kareeb hai, unki rakhwala nahi kar paunga toh kiski karunga?" he replied.

(It's my little sister's matter. If I can't protect those who are close to me, who will I protect?)

I didn't understand what they were talking about, except that it was regarding Payal. After I had given her the birth control pills in secret, she had been more polite towards me. We talked rarely; sometimes at the temple, sometimes during festivals... I felt like she had gotten more adjusted to her new life with time.

"Bahut der ho rahi hai, Bhairav. Bhagwan nanha mehman aur aapko swasth rakhega," he offered me a soft smile that I returned, "Shukriya."

(It's getting late, Bhairav. May god keep you and the baby safe.)

(Thank you.)

As the Jeep sped down the dusty roads, I shifted towards Bhairav Ji. His hand was lazily resting on the gearbox as he hummed an old Hindi song that I liked. I hugged his arm and closed my eyes.

Bhairav Ji kissed my forehead, his eyes still on the road. I glanced up, blushing. He was always affectionate when I least expected it. I kissed his cheek as well, and Bhairav Ji smiled to himself.

"Neend aa rahi hai, meri Thakurain?" He asked softly.

(Is my Thakurain feeling sleepy?)

"Aapke liye jaagi rahungi," I hugged him tighter.

(I'll stay awake for you.)

"Koi baat nahi, so jao. Theen char ghante lagenge pahunchne mein. Adhi raat ho jaegi."

(It's fine, go to sleep. We'll take around three to four hours to reach. It will be midnight by then.)

I shook my head, "Aapke bina nahi sonewali."

(I'm not going to sleep without you.)

Bhairav Ji sighed, "Thoda kam pyar kiya karo. Agar ek din mujhe kuch ho gaya toh-"

(Love me a little less. What if something happens to me one day-)

I pressed my palm over his mouth, "Kya keh rahe hai?!" I snapped furiously. Bhairav Ji only glanced at me. He kissed the inside of my palm, and I had to retrieve my hand while glaring at him.

(What are you saying?!)

"Phirse naaraz ho gayi?" He asked as I moved away, frowning. I turned my head away further when he tried cupping my chin or pinching my cheek.

(Are you mad at me again?)

"Meri gilehri... Mazaak kar raha tha-"

(My little squirrel... I was only joking-)

"Rehne dijiye. Aapko meri koi parvah nahi hai. Mai ache se jaanti hu," I mumbled, feeling suddenly tearful.

(Forget it. You don't care about me at all. I know it well.)

Bhairav Ji cleared his throat as I wiped my tears quickly.

"Hum aap ki aankhon mein, is dil ko basa dein toh?
Hum moond ke palkon ko, is dil ko saza dein to?
Hum aap ki aankhon mein, is dil ko basa dein toh..."

He had begun singing out loud, smiling at me. I sniffed, feeling suddenly happy but equally emotional. Bhairav Ji didn't stop me as I moved towards him and hugged him tightly.

"Aap vachan dijiye... Kabhi aise nahi kahenge phir."

(Promise me... You won't talk like this again.)

He hummed, holding me close. For now, that was enough.

"Sanjana."

I looked up, "Ji?"

(Yes?)

"Itna sab karti ho, meri gilehri... Tumne kabhi humse kuch chupaya hai?"

(My little squirrel... Have you ever hidden something from me?)

I froze at his question. What did he mean? Why was he asking that now, of all times? I gulped.

Even though it was barely anything, I had always felt guilty for taking money out of his wallet secretly. He didn't know that I had bought birth control pills either. But I never had the guts to tell him.

I was scared that he'd hit me for it.

What if something happened to the baby?

"Chupaya hai?"

(Have you?)

Bhairav Ji repeated, glancing at me this time. I swallowed and stared down, mumbling, "N-nahi... Aapse kyu chupaungi?"

(N-no... Why would I hide something from you?)

"Acha..." He just nodded, his face was expressionless again, and I felt guilt twisting even deeper in my stomach.

(I see...)

I clutched his arm and moved closer, pressing my forehead to his bicep, "M-maaf... Kijiye... Mai... Um... Mujhe dar tha..."

(I- I'm sorry... I was... um... I was scared...)

"Ah..." He clicked his tongue, his brows raised in amusement. I gulped, "S-sirf ek baar hi... Chupaya hai... Thakur Ji."

(J-just once... Thakur Ji.)

Bhairav Ji didn't say anything, and I was forced to continue.

"A-apke... Batue se... Sirf ek baar... Kuch paise liye the... Davai ke liye..."

(I- I had to take money... From your w-wallet... To buy medicines...)

"Konsi davai?" He asked sharply.

(What medicines?)

I didn't reply. My head was beginning to hurt as I thought of everything that Payal would have to suffer because of me.

"Sunai nahi de raha?!"

(Can't you hear me?!)

I flinched when he yelled. My fingers trembled just a little as I clutched the pallu of my sari.

"B-bache... Na... H-hone... Ki davai..."

(B-birth control... Pills...)

Bhairav Ji turned to frown at me, "Huh? Kya bol rahi ho?"

(What... What are you saying?)

"Payal ke liye."

(For Payal.)

My husband stared at me quietly. He didn't yell or scold me again, and I felt increasingly terrified. It was the silence before the storm.

Bhairav Ji took a deep breath before turning to face the road. His knuckles turned white as he squeezed the wheel.

"Tumhara kaam tha?"

(So it was your doing?)

I gulped, "M-matlab?"

(Wh-what do you mean?)

"Jagdish ne pakad liya... Woh davai. Do hafto se Payal ko ghar ke bahar nahi chod raha hai. Keshav ko pata tha, kyunki woh saala Jagdish sirf usi se baat karta tha. Pati patni ke beech jaana nahi chahiye par dono abhi bache hi hai... Maine use samjhane ki koshish ki thi par... woh kuch sunne ke liye taiyar nahi hai. Us bechari ko har roz maarta tha."

(Jagdish caught those medicines. He didn't let her leave the house for two weeks. Keshav knew about it since Jagdish tells him everything. It might be a matter between husband and wife, but they both are still kids... I tried to make him understand. But he wasn't willing to listen to anything. He hits that poor girl everyday.)

My eyes were wide, and I was breathing heavily as I squeezed his hand, "J-Jagdish ne... Use bahut mara?"

(J-Jagdish... hits her a lot?)

Bhairav Ji sighed, "Itna ki jab Paramesh use milne ke liye gaya tha, woh roh padi. Aur Paramesh ne us ladke ko jail daalne ki dhamki di thi... Us baare mei bol raha tha... Behen ki shaadi zabardasti karvaya hoga par, behen se pyar toh karta hai."

(So much that when Paramesh came to meet her, she broke down into sobs. And Paramesh threatened to throw that boy in jail... He was telling me about that. He might have forced his sister to get married, but he sure cares about her.)

I gulped and stared down at my hands. Had all that really happened because of me?

I caressed my large stomach. Whenever I felt scared or awful, I'd calm down by thinking about the angel inside me.

"Ek cigarette jalakar do," he commanded suddenly, and with trembling hands, I took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it for him. Bhairav Ji took a long drag of the cancer stick. His knuckles were white as he squeezed the wheel and glared at the road.

(Light a cigarette for me.)

"Mujhe pata tha, paiso ke baare mei."

(I knew that you took the money.)

My lips parted in shock as I looked up at him. He didn't look at me. I could tell that he was mad.

"Par maine kuch pucha nahi kyunki haveli mei shor nahi machana chahta tha... Maa, Dadi, Saarang... Sabke saamne puchna nahi chahta tha. Aur biwi ho, humare paise par tumhara hi haq hai."

(But I never asked about it because I didn't want to cause a scene... Maa, Dadi, Saarang... I didn't want to ask anything in front of everyone. And you're my wife. You have the freedom to use my money.)

He glanced at me now. "Jab bhi sheher se laut aata hu, tumhare liye kuch khareedkar laata hu. Thakurain ko nayi sari chahiye? Dilwa diya. Nayi chudi chahiye? Pehna diya. Gajra chahiye? Ek baar kisi cheez dilwane se inkar ki hai?"

(Whenever I've returned from the city, I've brought you something or the other. My Thakurain wants a new sari? I've got it for you. You want new bangles? I've adorned you with them. Even flowers for your hair... Have I ever denied you anything?)

I gulped.

"Ki hai ki nahi?!" He snapped, and I trembled even more, "N-nahi ki hai... "

(Have I or not?!)

(N-no... You've not...)

He exhaled sharply and ran a hand through his hair. "Payal ne kisi se tumhara naam bataya nahi hai. Par agar usne bol di ki Thakurain Ji ne dilwaye hai davai... Toh pata hai kya hoga? Aurat ho. Meri aurat ho. Gaon wale chodenge nahi."

(Payal hasn't mentioned your name to anyone. But if she had told everyone that the Thakurain herself had given the medicines to her... Do you know what would happen? You're a woman. My woman. The villagers won't let you live peacefully.)

He gritted his teeth, "Woh bache ka dil achha hai... Isliye kuch bola nahi hoga. Pehle se humse nafrat karti hai... Aur ab yeh. Sanjana, samajh bhi rahi ho ki tumne kya kiya hai?" He waved the cigarette in my face.

(That kid has a kind heart... That's why she didn't say anything. Already she hates us... And now this. Sanjana, do you even understand what you've done?)

Tears streamed down my face, and I hiccupped. I was desperately trying to wipe them, unable to look up as he scolded me.

"Mai... M-Mai... Sirf... Madad karna... Chahti thi..."

(I... I only wanted... To help...)

He took the cigarette between his fingers, and I closed my eyes when I thought he'd hit me, but he didn't. His large hand was on my head, pulling me towards him. There was still rage in his eyes as he looked at the road.

"Pata hai. Par kabhi apne pati ka bhi bharosa kiya karo. Pyar se shaadi thodi chalti hai."

(I know. But sometimes you need to trust your husband as well. A marriage doesn't work on love alone.)

I hugged him and sobbed into his chest. Bhairav Ji sighed as he kept both his hands on the wheel.

"Agar yeh baat kisi aur ko pata chali toh gaon wale shanti se jeene nahi denge... Tumhara jaan khatre mei hoga. Kisi ki madad karne se pehle apne aap ko bhi bachana jaanna hoga. Itni bholi mat bano... Aur aisa kuch karne se pehle mujhse kaha karo. Mai kar lunga tumhare liye. Log mardon ki galtiyaan jaldi bhool jaate hain aur maaf kar dete hain... Duniya ka yahi dastoor hai."

(The villagers won't leave you alone if they find out about this... Your life will be in general. Before you jump in to save someone, you need to know how to save yourself as well. Don't be so naive... And before you do something like this, come to me. I'll do it for you. People forget and forgive the mistakes of men quite easily... That's the law of the world.)

I swallowed as I stared at him. The man was ruthless, yet he had a strong sense of conviction that I loved.

"A-aap... Use woh davai dene ke liye... Naraaz nahi hai?"

(Are you not mad at me for giving her the medicine...?)

He glared at me, and I sealed my lips immediately.

"Main kisi aurat ke maamle mein khud ko shaamil nahi karna chahta. Lekin mai tumhe khatre mei padne bhi nahi doonga. Tum jo bhi karne ki soch rahi ho, pehle mujhse baat karogi. Mujhe farq nahi padta baat kis baare mein ho... par tumhari suraksha ki mujhe parwah hai."

(I don't want to involve myself in any womanly business. But I won't let you risk yourself like this. No matter what you're planning on doing, come to me first. I don't care what it's about... But I care about your safety.)

He squeezed my face with one hand, "Bina bataye phir se agar aisa kuch kiya toh tumhe bistar se bandh dalunga. Meri gilehri ko ache se pata hai mai kya kar sakta hu... Hai na?"

(If you do something like this again without telling me, I'll tie you to the bed. My little squirrel knows exactly what I'm capable of... Right?)

My breath hitched as I lowered my eyes. I could feel the redness in my cheeks as he held the steering wheel again, content that he had scared me.

But...

He didn't know that the thought of me tied to the bed, while he was meant to be punishing me... Didn't really sound like a punishment at all.

"Aap... Sach mei aisa karenge?" I whispered under my breath.

(Will you... Really do that?)

His face contorted in disbelief. I didn't think he'd hear it. Before I could defend myself, there was a sharp jolt on the back of my head. I hissed in pain, rubbing the spot, but the brute didn't care at all.

"Chupchaap so jao, nahi toh yahin sadak par utaar doonga."

(Shut up and go to sleep, or else I'll abandon you on the road here.)

I glared at him and leaned my head on his arm, "Kaash meri shaadi kisi aur se hoti..."

(I wish I had married someone else...)

He hummed, "Kaash Jagdish se hoti."

(I wish you had married Jagdish.)

I gasped and stayed quiet for the rest of the drive. Bhairav Ji smiled to himself.

A/N - Enjoy the song that Bhairav was humming :)