It was late at night when Bhairav Ji and Bhargav came home. They were a little drunk this time.

"Aradhya!" Bhargav's face lit up as soon as he saw her. He stumbled out of the Jeep and clumsily adjusted his dhoti.

"Peekar aaye hai?" Aradhya whispered to me, and I hummed, "Yaha se badbu aa rahi hai."

(Are they drunk?)

(I can smell them from here.)

Bhargav had a goofy grin on his face as he walked up to us. He wrapped his arms around Aradhya while she tried to fight him off.

"Ehh! K-kya kar rahe hai!" She grew flustered, but Bhargav didn't care. He kissed her head and pulled her inside with him, "Vishwas nahi hota ki aise devi se shaadi ki hai!"

(Ehh! Wh-what are you doing!)

(I can't believe that I've married such a goddess!)

I was relieved that both Maa and Dadi were asleep, or I'd be the one being scolded for not teaching Aradhya manners.

"Sanjana."

Bhairav Ji's deep voice made me look at him, "Aapne itni der kyu kiya?" I asked while fixing my veil, "Khaana garam karti hu. Haath muh dhokar aiye-"

(Why were you so late? I'll warm the food. You should wash up-)

He pressed a newspaper packet on my hands while smoking a cigarette. I was confused, "Isme kya hai, Ji?"

(What's in this?)

My husband didn't really look at me as he placed his large hand on my head. "Bina khole kaise pata chalega?" He caressed my hair. When I opened the packet, I found adorable little hairbands, a tiny toy car, and a full set of glass bangles inside, exactly how I liked it.

"Yeh sab..." I blushed.

(All this...)

"Paas ke gaon mei thoda kaam tha. Waha par mela chal rahi thi toh tumhari aur bacho ki yaad aa gayi," he mumbled and walked inside as if it was the most normal thing to do.

(I had some work in the nearby village. There was a fair going on there, and it made me think about you and the kids.)

The harshest man in the village had remembered to buy glass bangles for me, flower-patterned hairbands for his daughter, and the cutest toy car for his son. Well, this was the only romance I needed from him.

Aradhya helped me in the kitchen but informed me that Bhargav had fallen asleep in a matter of seconds, so she'd take his dinner to their room. After Bhairav Ji had finished showering, he came downstairs with the kids in his arms.

They talked in baby gibberish without pausing. Janu and Raghu fought with each other for their father's attention while Bhairav Ji hummed at everything the kids said.

I pulled my chair close to his, considering nobody was around.

"Baba itne thake hue hai... Unhe zyada tang mat karo beta," I tried convincing the kids, but they paid no attention. Bhairav Ji smiled, "Raat ko sirf ek do ghante inke saath bita paata hu. Koi baat nahi."

(Your father is already tired... Don't bother him further.)

(I barely get to spend an hour or two with them at night. It's fine.)

He was in a lighter mood than usual. Maybe something good had happened today. "Aapne bahut dino se daru nahi chua... Aaj kya ho gaya?" I served him dinner.

(You haven't touched whiskey in a long time... Did something happen today?)

"Hum apne karkhane mein naye units tayyar karwa rahe hain. Aaj hi maine thekedaar ke saath kagazaat par dastakhat kar diye. Ab mazdooron ki zarurat badhegi, aur yahan ke berozgaar gaon walon ko kaam par rakhne ka irada hai. Humari zameen bhi khoob phal-phool rahi hai, aur vidyalay ka nirman bhi dheere-dheere par theek tarah se chal raha hai."

(We are having new units set up in our factory. I signed the papers with the contractor just today. There will be a greater need for workers now, and we intend to employ the unemployed villagers here. Our land is also flourishing well, and the construction of the school is progressing slowly but properly.)

So I was right. He was celebrating tonight. Bhairav Ji crushed some of his rice nicely before feeding the kids little by little. They were always eager to eat from their Baba's hands.

"Toh aap..." I hesitated, glancing away, "Sach mei Sarpanch banne wale ho...?"

(So you... You're really going to become the Sarpanch?)

Bhairav Ji eyed me, "Tumhari faisla thi na?"

(It was your decision right?)

I clutched the end of my pallu, "Maine sirf aise hi kahi thi us din... Aapne dil pe le liye... Ab aapko sirf gaon ke liye waqt hai."

(I never meant what I said... You took it too seriously... Now you only have time for the village.)

Bhairav Ji tried to turn my face, but I kept my eyes downcast, "Meri gilehri gaon walo se jal rahi hai?"

(Is my darling jealous of the villagers?)

I glared at him this time, and Bhairav Ji kissed the tip of my nose, startling me. He resumed eating dinner as though nothing had happened.

"M-mai... Mai nahi jal rahi! Agar aapko kuch ho gaya toh? Theen mahino se us Gulzar Sultan ke aadmi chup hai. Un logo ne achanak kuch kar diya toh?"

(I- I'm not jealous! What if something happens to you? Gulzar Sultan's men have been quiet for three months. What if they suddenly do something?)

Bhairav Ji scoffed, "Kisne kaha ki Gulzar ke aadmi theen mahino se chup hai? Tumhe zyada chinta mat dilane ke liye kuch kaha nahi. Gulzar ke logo ne mere ek ladke ko maar dala tha. Aur humne theen aadmiyo ko maar maar ke khun ki."

(Who told you that they've been quiet? I didn't tell you anything to not worry you. His men killed one of my boys. And we killed three of his.)

My eyes widened at his words, "Kh-khun ki matlab...? Aap... Aap kya keh rahe hai?"

(Y-you... killed them...? What... What are you saying?)

"Utna mushkil nahi hai. Baldev ek mahine ke liye aspatal mei tha. Woh Bhargav ki karnaame thi. Ek baar humne Gulzar ki ek gaadi ko bhi jala daali thi. Tumse yeh sab keh kar chinta nahi karwana chahta tha... Bache din raat rote rehte hai, tumhara rona bhi nahi sun sakta-"

(It wasn't that difficult. Baldev has been in the hospital for one month due to Bhargav. One time, we burnt one of Gulzar's vehicles as well. I didn't want to worry you by telling everything... The kids keep crying day and night, I can't put up with your groaning as well-)

I hugged him at this time, burying my face in his chest, "A-aap itne khatarnaak kaam kyu karte rehte ho?! Agar aapko kuch ho gaya toh?"

(Why are you getting involved in such d-dangerous stuff?! What if something happens to you?)

"Ho gaya toh kya?" He muttered and pushed me away so that he could eat, "Tum tab bhi meri Thakurain rahogi. Vidyalay mei bacho ko padhaogi. Raghav aur Janaki ko ache se padhana. Agar unhe padne ka mann nahi hai toh unhe peet peetkar padhana... Gyan se bada dhan nahi hota."

(What if something happens? You'll still remain my Thakurain. You'll teach kids at the school. Educate Raghav and Janaki really well. And if they don't want to study, compel them... There's no greater wealth than knowledge.)

I gulped, "Aap aise kyu baate kar rahe hai?"

(Why are you talking like this?)

"Sanjana, ek din toh tumhe mere siva rehna hoga. Akele. Tumhare jitna jawaan nahi hu."

(Sanjana, you'll have to live without me one day. Alone. I'm not as young as you.)

His words made tears well in my eyes. Why was he talking about death? I didn't want to imagine a life without him.

"Aur haan," he squeezed my chin, a determined flame in his eyes, "Marne ke baad bhi sirf meri aurat rahogi. Agar mere sivay kisi aur ke baare mei socha bhi-"

(And of course, you'll remain my woman even after my death. If you even think about someone besides me-)

"Chup ho jaiye!" A tear slipped down my cheek, but Bhairav Ji smiled, "Meri gilehri sirf meri hai. Kisi aur ki nahi hone dunga. Kabhi nahi."

(Please be quiet!)

(My little squirrel is mine alone. I won't let anyone else have you. Ever.)

The children caught his attention as they tried to reach for his plate and hands. Bhairav Ji kept them entertained while I was too stunned to speak.

One day I'd have to live without him...

His words rang countless times in my head.

"Agar mujhe kuch bhi ho gaya toh bacho ko hum dono ka pyar dena, theek hai?"

(If something happens to me, give them my love as well, okay?)

I couldn't bear it anymore. My breath hitched as I hurried up the stairs to cry on the bed.

Why?

Why did he have to talk like this?

Why did he have to be the sacrifice for the well-being of the village?

I didn't care about the village or anyone else. All I wanted was for him to be safe and healthy.

But why was he hellbent on making me worry like this?

***

When I cracked my eyes open again, I found myself pressed against Bhairav Ji's chest. The lights were turned off, and he was smoking on the bed with one arm wrapped around me. He seemed to be lost in thought while staring at the ceiling.

"Ah... Uth gayi, jaan?" He crushed the cigarette in the ashtray beside the bed before turning to me.

(Ah... You're awake, love?)

"Sanjana dekho, ro mat. Mai yeh sab tumhe rulane ke liye thodi kar raha hu?"

(Sanjana, look, don't cry. I didn't say all that just to see you in tears.)

"Phir kyu kar rahe hai?" I mumbled.

(Then why are you doing this?)

He frowned, "Woh kamina Gulzar mujhe chunauti dekar gaya hai... meri jaan ki dhamki di usne. Aur tum chaahti ho ki main kisi kone mein dubak kar baith jaaun? Main iss gaon ka Thakur hoon. Tumhara pati hu. Meri swabhiman sabse upar hai. Mai uske saamne jhukne wala nahin... aur na hi kabhi usse bhaagne wala hoon. Is gao ke mitti se use ghaseetkar bahar phek dunga."

(That asshole Gulzar challenged me... He threatened me with my life. And you want me to retreat to some corner? I'm the Thakur of this village. I'm your husband. My pride is above all. I'm not going to bow down before him... And neither am I going to run away from him. I'll drag him through the village and throw him out.)

Bhairav Ji gritted his teeth. Only now did I see the extent of fury that he held towards Gulzar. I just hoped that the anger wouldn't eat him alive.

"Mard hu. Aur zarurat pade toh mard ki tarah marunga."

(I'm a man, and if necessary I'll die like one.)

I swallowed the lump in my throat and leaned in to caress his face. He kissed me, and I reciprocated just as smoothly.

"Apne aap ko khatre mei mat daliye, Ji... Vinti karti hu," I mumbeled against his lips.

(Please don't put yourself in danger, Ji... I'm begging you.)

Before I knew it, my husband pinned me down on the bed and pressed my wrists into the mattress, "Chup. Bahut boli tumne. Ab meri gilehri ka muh kuch aur ke liye istemal karte hai, kyu?"

(Quiet. You've said enough. Now let's use your mouth for something else...)